'Believe you can, and you're halfway there.' ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Well, I have made it to the half-way point of my trip. I have hiked over 500 miles, and am just over half-way from the border of Mexico and where the PCT crosses HW-88 at Carson Pass in Amador County, mile 1077, then shortly after, HW-50 at Echo Summit in El Dorado County, mile 1092. 

It has been so many things so far. And so many things have had to go just right to even make it this far. The support from my family, friends, followers are truly many of the reasons I am even able to continue hiking along. So thank you all for being part of this. The trip has renewed my love for being outdoors, being healthy, doing hard shit, being more disciplined, and the list goes on. 

I have been saying for a while that everyone in my life deserves a better version of who I have been for the last couple years. A better son, brother, uncle, friend, co-worker.... When I left Alaska to come down and help my mother through the end of her life, I was pretty bitter for a long while. I was so upset for so many reasons. I was being so selfish and in my mind, I was so upset because I felt like my life wasn't my own and I had no control, just reactionary to the blows that felt like they were pointed directly at me. It was all about me. I was mad at my mom, for putting us both in the situations we were in. I was disappointed, hurt, frustrated, scared- in myself, in my mom, my family, in the world. Things had just been rolling along for so long without any real struggle, that I became pretty lost in my own world, wants, and needs. And as time rolled on, and my mom got worse, and more and more punches kept coming, I just kept rotting away on the inside, becoming a shell of who I know I am, who I want to be, who you all deserve. A lot of the decision and reasoning for doing this hike is an opportunity for resetting, processing, and moving past a storm that felt like it may never end. So here I am, smack dab in the middle of the 1st major goal I have set for myself in what feels like forever and ever. And I am not sure if there has been any major realizations or coming-to-jesus moments, but there has been an abundance of time. Almost all day, every day, for the last 5 weeks have been spent hiking and thinking, processing, crying, and trying to understand just how and why I have made it to the current circumstances of my existence. I have hiked alone almost exclusively on this trip. I mingle with other hikers when we all sorta clump up in towns, or at spots on the trail that cause a bit of gathering. But mostly, it's been a very personal and solitary experience this time around. And I know it's because I am not really into the social, hikertrash element of a long hike this time around.  After hiking nearly 10,000 miles in my life now, this last 550 has been the most solitary hiking of my life, even with 5x more people out here hiking than when I did it in 2012. Some of that is due to the new trail culture, influencers, and there not being any major trail angels who open their home, or places where hikers sort of clump up and then leave again for the trail in groups. No PCT kickoff party that sorta introduced us to a majority of hikers in our bubble. No Hiker Haven, No Casa De Luna, these vortex's that made it hard to head back to the trail until you had a group that helped that push. So it has been much easier to just keep rollin', keep to myself, and that's translated to have to rely on myself to keep the stoke up, to stay disciplined and keep moving. This last week has been tough, as the Southern California portion of the trail comes to an end, I've found myself bored, grinding miles, dreaming of getting to the Sierra Nevada mountains where I am not concerned simply on water. Where it's at, where it is next, what kind of source is it, how much to I need, blah blah blah. 

I do feel like I am getting back to that stronger version of myself that you all deserve. The one who doesn't just turn inward and duck away from genuine connections and relationships. The guy who has experienced so much life and so many places and people, which leads to confidence knowing I have so much to offer. I appreciate those of you who have been frustrated with or even concerned about me over the last few years. Those who have still been there, regardless of what shitty news, attitude or negativity I keep bringing to the table. I appreciate and love you all so much and I hope to do better going forward. 

So I am about 150 miles from entry into the High Sierra, and then its 400 mile push through some of the most beautiful places on Mother Earth, and then I will be back into the real world, whatever that even means. I do know it means I have another full month to keep healing on my terms. To keep getting stronger, healthier, and inspired. I have a whole list of new goals going forward. Some small. Some large. But healthier habits and mindset is now of the forefront of my outlook. 

Thanks for your patience. 

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